Sunday

Mar. 26th, 2017 04:40 pm
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Wilson: I wouldn't. Someone named 17 thinks there could be Listeria in the cream cheese.

House: 17's a stupid number. [Takes a bite.] What's Chase doing here?

Wilson: You saw Chase?

House: Last night, outside my office.

Wilson: That's interesting.

House: It's more curious than actually...

Wilson: Chase took a job at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona. A week ago. Interesting... It wasn't Foreman or Cameron you saw, but Chase, the one you fired.

House: Not interesting. Someone who looked like someone I used to know walked by my office.

Wilson: It's always interesting when repressed guilt starts un-repressing itself.

House: The only thing I feel guilty for is this. [Throws what's left of the bagel into Wilson's coffee.]

The Right Stuff, S4

Thursday

Mar. 23rd, 2017 11:07 am
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Moving On, S7


Wilson's face!!

Saturday

Mar. 18th, 2017 12:47 pm
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Wilson: My offer's withdrawn; you can walk to work.

House: Got it, you're morally outraged. Now can we get through this part? 'Cause the next part's awesome. [He takes a bite of toast.]

Wilson: How do you rationalize something like this? You broke into Stacy's therapist's office--

House: Borrowed a key

Wilson: --and stole her treatment notes!

House: Nope! I made copies. Mark is, and I quote [Wilson groans.] "Withdrawn, passive-aggressive, won't communicate, like he resents me because I can walk."

Wilson: I don't want to hear this.

House: Dishes in the sink, toilet seat up. Meanwhile, she can't stop thinking about [Walks up to Wilson and shows him the notes.] I can't read that, is she obsessed with a Grey Horse? Or me?

[Wilson takes a look at the notes reluctantly.]

Wilson: It says she thinks you're an annoying jerk. [Throws the notes onto a table.]

House: It's a pet name. [Picks the notes back up.] Here's the kicker. [Shows the notes to Wilson again; Wilson reads it again with interest this time.]

Wilson: They're not having sex?

Hunting, S2

Thursday

Mar. 16th, 2017 11:42 am
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Wilson: The 29 year old female…

House: The one who can’t talk, I liked that part.

Wilson: She’s my cousin.

House: And your cousin doesn’t like the diagnosis. I wouldn’t either. Brain tumor, she’s gonna die, boring.

Wilson: No wonder you’re such a renowned diagnostician. You don’t need to actually know anything to figure out what’s wrong.

House: You’re the oncologist; I’m just a lowly infectious disease guy.

Wilson: Hah, yes, just a simple country doctor. Brain tumors at her age are highly unlikely.

House: She’s 29. Whatever she’s got is highly unlikely.

Wilson: Protein markers for the three most prevalent brain cancers came up negative.

House: That’s an HMO lab; you might as well have sent it to a high school kid with a chemistry set.

Wilson: No family history.

House: I thought your uncle died of cancer.

Wilson: Other side. No environmental factors.

House: That you know of.

Wilson: And she’s not responding to radiation treatment.

House: None of which is even close to dispositive. All it does is raise one question. Your cousin goes to an HMO?

Wilson: Come on! Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What’s the point of putting together a team if you’re not going to use them? You’ve got three overqualified doctors working for you. Getting bored.

The Pilot, S1

You could cut diamonds on RSL's cheekbones!

Monday

Mar. 13th, 2017 07:19 pm
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House: We're on vacation.

[House reaches back to press the button, which will start the pain medication drip. They both lie back on the couch and enjoy the effects of the pain meds]

Wilson: Aahh! That is nice.

The C-Word, S8

Friday

Mar. 10th, 2017 11:16 am
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I've posted this before but I just love this scene so much.

 photo 13092408.gif


Damned If You Do, S1

Thursday

Mar. 9th, 2017 09:11 am
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Wilson: You were bored. You must have spent about two days setting up a fake murder, and you were bored.

House: I'm fine.

Wilson: You're not. And I'm worried you might do something even stupider. Why don't you move back in with me? At least until you get back on track.

House: What an ego. You think you're some sort of emotional paragon? You're my rock?

Wilson: I'm trying to be a friend.

House: At least I have the good sense not to marry every woman I fall into bed with. Maybe you should move in with me.

Wilson: Either way. If you prefer…

House: [getting annoyed] I prefer you to stop talking about this.

Wilson: House, we haven't even started talking about this except to establish the fact that you are fine, which clearly you aren't.

House: [loudly] Leave me alone!

[Wilson looks at House for a long minute.]

Wilson: No. We are gonna talk about this, and we're gonna deal with this.

House: So I have no choice? Fine. Unless… unless… [He has a revelation.] Yes, I do. I do have legs. [He stands.] I see you didn't factor those into your brilliant plan. [House takes his drink and leaves.]

Out Of The Chute, S7

Sunday

Mar. 5th, 2017 10:50 am
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House: Oh, my goodness. I played a practical joke on my best friend, and he's badly injured.

[House closes the office door, then pulls something out of his pocket and tosses what looks like a chair caster to Wilson, who is lying on the floor]

House: I wish I had learned this valuable lesson earlier. I was waiting by my window for an hour. Why are you late?

Wilson: I had a breakfast meeting at Mickey’s Diner with the Mercy people to tell them… (Wilson sees a donut on a plate and a carton of milk behind the bookshelf) I’m coming back to work here. (He pulls the plate and the milk toward himself) Sorry if it interfered with your plan to maim me. (pause) Donut’s a nice touch. (He takes a bite of the donut)

[House gestures to Wilson as if expecting a different reaction. Wilson just lies on the floor eating the donut]

House: (turning and opening the door to leave) It’s my way of saying "welcome back."

Lucky Thirteen, S5

Friday

Mar. 3rd, 2017 08:56 am
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Wilson: It's just a wild coincidence that he thought you were a rude jerk.

House: Come on. Give me the benefit of the doubt. You said he's a jerk. I barely talked.

Wilson: You talked! [He drops his head into his hand.] All I wanted was to sip morning espresso next to a peaceful, burbling fountain.

House: You could be sipping Courvoisier next to a replica of the Playboy grotto if you tell him what you got on him.

Wilson: I don't have anything on him. I don't want anything on him.

House: The closest he's been to Vietnam? Ordering the mee krob at that place on the corner.

Wilson: Mee krob is from Thailand.

House: Exactly.

Wilson: What did you do? Why do you think he's faking?

House: I saw his mail.

Wilson: You broke in?

House: No. He was holding it. Private medical insurance. Not from the VA. Plus, he's got to be early 50s. He's too young to be a vet. So I looked further.

Wilson: You did break in.

House: Online. There's no reference to him in any of the vet records.

Wilson: Why would he fake being a veteran?

House: Just look how you're acting. People have been tiptoeing around this jerk for years.

Wilson: Normally, we'd all tell the amputee to go screw himself.

House: Victims get pity, heroes get adulation. It's way better.

Wilson: Thank you for trying to help me out with my neighbor. Now forget the Vietnam stuff.

House: I could prove this.

Wilson: But you won't because you'll be too busy writing him a letter of apology and dropping it at his door without knocking at his door.

House: I didn’t do anything, the guy’s a totally ass.

Wilson: Which is the point. It's easy to be nice to people you like. But being nice to people you hate, that's a skill. Do it.

The Tyrant, S6

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