House/Wilson

House: Go away.

Wilson: (sighing) Did you speak to Cuddy last night?

House: She's fine. Why would it take anyone more than a few hours to get over misplacing a baby?

Wilson: You spoke to her?

House: Kinda hit that. So she's all on my jock.

Wilson: Wha — what?

[House finally opens his eyes]

House: (looking at Wilson) Huh. Everyone else thought I was kidding.

Wilson: You hit? Like making out, or full-on sex or —

[House is scratching his right hand]

House: Got a chart laid out with all the bases. I'll take you through it.

Wilson: Wh — what are you gonna do?

House: What can I do? I'm going to ignore her for the rest of my life. This mosquito bite kept me awake.

Wilson: Don't care about the bug bite. She's your boss.

House: So now I have two reasons to ignore her. (still scratching) It was just a kiss.

Wilson: There's a reason.

House: Yes. Those large things in her bra.

Wilson: You were hiding it from me, means it meant something to you.

House: Yeah, I fiendishly concealed it within the phrase "I hit that."

Wilson: Stop scratching. You'll draw blood.

House: Finally you said something useful. If I actually break the skin, it'll let the poison out.

The Itch, S5

House: Hello, old chap.

[Intercut between the bathroom and Wilson’s office.]

Wilson: You need to save yourself. I was up last night trying to find another angle, but I can't. Tell immigration you were in love with Dominika, but your marriage fell apart, and that's why you haven't been living together.

House: She'll be deported, permanently.

Wilson: House, I know you like Dominika, you have fun with her, but you got caught. There's no getting out of this. The best you could hope for is that you don't go back to jail.

Man Of The House, S8

Moving On, S7


Wilson's face!!

Man Of The House, S8

Wilson: My offer's withdrawn; you can walk to work.

House: Got it, you're morally outraged. Now can we get through this part? 'Cause the next part's awesome. [He takes a bite of toast.]

Wilson: How do you rationalize something like this? You broke into Stacy's therapist's office--

House: Borrowed a key

Wilson: --and stole her treatment notes!

House: Nope! I made copies. Mark is, and I quote [Wilson groans.] "Withdrawn, passive-aggressive, won't communicate, like he resents me because I can walk."

Wilson: I don't want to hear this.

House: Dishes in the sink, toilet seat up. Meanwhile, she can't stop thinking about [Walks up to Wilson and shows him the notes.] I can't read that, is she obsessed with a Grey Horse? Or me?

[Wilson takes a look at the notes reluctantly.]

Wilson: It says she thinks you're an annoying jerk. [Throws the notes onto a table.]

House: It's a pet name. [Picks the notes back up.] Here's the kicker. [Shows the notes to Wilson again; Wilson reads it again with interest this time.]

Wilson: They're not having sex?

Hunting, S2

Wilson: The 29 year old female…

House: The one who can’t talk, I liked that part.

Wilson: She’s my cousin.

House: And your cousin doesn’t like the diagnosis. I wouldn’t either. Brain tumor, she’s gonna die, boring.

Wilson: No wonder you’re such a renowned diagnostician. You don’t need to actually know anything to figure out what’s wrong.

House: You’re the oncologist; I’m just a lowly infectious disease guy.

Wilson: Hah, yes, just a simple country doctor. Brain tumors at her age are highly unlikely.

House: She’s 29. Whatever she’s got is highly unlikely.

Wilson: Protein markers for the three most prevalent brain cancers came up negative.

House: That’s an HMO lab; you might as well have sent it to a high school kid with a chemistry set.

Wilson: No family history.

House: I thought your uncle died of cancer.

Wilson: Other side. No environmental factors.

House: That you know of.

Wilson: And she’s not responding to radiation treatment.

House: None of which is even close to dispositive. All it does is raise one question. Your cousin goes to an HMO?

Wilson: Come on! Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What’s the point of putting together a team if you’re not going to use them? You’ve got three overqualified doctors working for you. Getting bored.

The Pilot, S1

You could cut diamonds on RSL's cheekbones!

Fools For Love, S3

I've posted this before but I just love this scene so much.



Damned If You Do, S1

Safe, S2