House/Wilson

Epic Fail (behind the scenes), S6

This needs a caption so badly. A really suggestive, naughty one.

Wilson: Oh. [sounding perturbed] You followed me?

House: No. You were wearing rain boots today, but you were parked in the underground garage, so the only reason you’d need boots was if you were hitting the streets… I followed you.

Wilson: Didn’t we have a conversation about friendship?

House: Yeah. I had some follow up questions. I’ve met your parents, and your brother –

Wilson: I have two brothers.

House: Why wouldn’t you tell me –

Wilson: It was irrelevant.

House: Why not?

Wilson: Because he’s not in my life any more.

House: Well, that’s relevant.

Wilson: [draws breath] This was the last place I saw him, nine years ago. I don’t even know if he’s alive.

Histories, S1

Words and Deeds, S3

House: What do you think he meant by "anything"?

Wilson: Take some time for yourself. Relax.

[They are face-down on massage tables in the middle of the room. Two female masseuses are working on them.]

House: I know it's a figure of speech, to underline the "anything."

Wilson: Maybe talk to someone?

House: Already scheduled.

Wilson: [turns his head to look at House] Really?

House: [looks at Wilson] I'm not an idiot. I know I need help.

Wilson: Okay. That's… great. [pause] I meant, like, a counselor.

House: I know.

Wilson: But you meant a hooker.

House: Yeah. Baby steps.

Out Of The Chute, S7

Wilson: With a patient.

House: Is she dying?

Wilson: No.

House: Then she can wait.

Wilson: Would you excuse me, just 2 minutes.

House: If only she’d been molested then we’d have something to go on. [He tries to open a jar of mentholatum] No forced entry.

Wilson: One hallucination; maybe it was just bad pork, maybe there’s nothing…

House: She’s not fine. Her sat percentage dropped another point.

[He keeps struggling with the jar]

Wilson: Which could suggest a tumor in her lung.

House: Lung wouldn’t explain the hallucination. CT scan showed both lungs were clean, which means there’s a tumor in her heart.

Wilson: Not a chance. Give me that.

[Wilson opens the jar]

House: I loosened it.

Wilson: I opened it. We’ve got an MRI and an echo of her heart, there’s nothing there.

House: Give me one other explanation for low oxygen saturation.

Wilson: I can’t. There’s only one condition that simultaneously affects the heart and the brain but she…

House: Perfect let’s go with that.

Wilson: Tuberous Sclerosis in a kid that also has Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. Two different unrelated cancers at the same time is a statistical no no.

House: What’s the rate of cancer in the general population? 1 in 10,000?

Wilson: Don’t, don’t start with the numbers.

House: The way I figure it 1 in 10,000 of them should have another cancer. Little girl won the lottery twice. It happens.

Wilson: So you’re gonna cut her open?

House: Exploratory surgery, gotta find this thing.

Wilson: You’re just going to grope around inside an immunocompromised nine year old? She could die on the table.

House: I know it's somewhere near the heart.

Wilson: House, you’ve gotta do better than that.

Autopsy, S2

Son Of A Coma Guy, S3

Wilson : Pupils are normal. Pulse is normal.

House : Better than that. They're both totally awesome. I'm not on drugs.

Wilson : So... why did you lie about Cuddy?

House : To make a point. Probably something to do with shutting you up. It's my go-to idea.

Wilson : You do seem okay. You want me to stick around? I could do my usual thing of pretending I like watching monster truck rallies, if that would make you feel better.

House : No. You go.

Wilson : House... you could have died. You had a patient who did die in your arms. You shouldn't be alone.

House : I know. That's why I called a hooker. [hops down and escorts Wilson to the living room] Now, go away. 'Cause... you'll be extra.

Wilson : Are you really okay?

House : Are you gonna break in again? You checked my pulse. You checked my pupils. I'll mail you the urine sample.

Now What?, S7

97 Seconds, S4